why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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