god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize