toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
time to smoke my breakfast
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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