Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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