I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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