I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
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