I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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