It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
