i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
