if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
