I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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