Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
