I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
4 words: hood of his car
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
