The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize