I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
