where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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