It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I wish there were birth control emojis
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
