Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
