Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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