It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
