i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
