I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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