I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
