oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize