Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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