She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize