I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
