forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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