You're my little dorito
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Two words: nipple clamps
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