Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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