What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The air was thick with penises
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
