I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
