I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
