Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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