I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize