The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
