so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
