She's JV to your varsity
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
