The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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