Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
