Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
