how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
