i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
