i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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