Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
