i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
