wake up i wanna do it froggy style
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
