I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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