so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
