see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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