I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
