Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
