You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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