you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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