I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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