When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize