May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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