just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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