I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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