Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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