you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
