Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
