youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
