I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
