Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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