Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
