I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
this will be a night to untag.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
