It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
