hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
