I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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