I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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