the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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