fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
