i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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