I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
