I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
