somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think I won the penis lottery.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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