I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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