I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
