so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
