Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
