Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
