I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize