my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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