So drunk its hurt
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
