If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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