How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize