Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
