through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
