the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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