Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day â¤ï¸
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
