I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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