it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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