By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
