Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
