just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
