You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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