yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
