just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
